


What if it didn't work

by rye03



Series: The Ship has Sailed (a collection of short stories) [10]
Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-10
Updated: 2020-09-10
Packaged: 2021-03-06 17:27:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 320
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26382622
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rye03/pseuds/rye03
Summary: Phil's stream of thought after a tough breakup with Dan.
Relationships: Dan Howell/Phil Lester
Series: The Ship has Sailed (a collection of short stories) [10]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1917250





	What if it didn't work

I sat on the floor of my room, tears streaming down my face as I recalled memories that seemed like they would last a lifetime. Those memories seemed fake, a lie. 3 weeks of tears and mental breakdowns all because of him. I knew he had been manipulating me, yet, I still wanted to call him, see how he was doing. I wanted to tell him that I loved him again, but my brain would bring up how miserable I was. Yet I couldn't stop thinking of how he called me Lion, and how I would call him Bear. So many times I risked my mental health for his. How much of it was a lie? He was the first to know and I fell for him, and when he fell for me, he couldn't hide it for mine and his safety. He knew the precautions all along, yet he proceeded to manipulate me. My bear. My Dan. He called for help many times, yet, when I did, he wasn't there. He said he was but he really, truly wasn't. When he said he loved me he didn't mean it. The worst part of all, I fell for it. I fell for his tricks, his lies, and his selfishness. I didn't destroy us, he did. He loaded the gun and cocked it, I just happened to be the one to pull the trigger. I wasn't safe in the relationship and neither was he. But that doesn't make it hurt any less. If I could tell him one thing I would say,  
"Hey Dan, it's Phil, I hope you're all right. I miss you, but I also don't. I love you, but I also don't." And that's when the tears stopped, that's when I realized I was better off without the toxicness of the most unhealthy relationship ever. And even if I'm lying to myself now, I will be ok soon.


End file.
